Your Daily Adjustment

Adjusting your day….you bad, bad boy.

If you missed it….the lost days

8/23/2010

Joke Of The Day

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy’s position.
    He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
    Crouching down to the child’s level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”
    The boy replies, “Now we run!”

Dumbass Of The Day

A midwife named Zhang, in Shenzhen City, China, who sewed up her patient’s bottom during the patient’s labor because she didn’t get a good tip. According to the Nanfang Daily, the patient’s husband gave the midwife on 100 yuan ($15 dollars) and the insulted midwife decided to take revenge. She’s been arrested; the wife is recovering in a hospital, and through it all, n

    An unidentified man who attempted to rob a Buffalo, New York bank but forgot to use the mask he had around his neck to hide his face. Video surveillance showed the man handing a note to the bank teller, then he answered his cell phone, grabbed the note and ran out of the bank. The suspect remains at large. But probably not for long.

    A 20 year old Florida man, who stole and pawned his grandmother’s jewelry so he could get religious tattoos. He had tattoos of a Christian fish and the words “Jesus Saves” when he was booked.

    Diana Ahlen, 34, who held up a bank in Chemnitz, Germany, armed with a bread knife in one hand and her little daughter in the other. Police stormed the bank and Ahlen gave herself up immediately. The woman appeared before a judge that afternoon, was released on bail and then set off to try to rob another bank. This time she was denied bail.

8/24/2010

Joke Of The Day

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died.
    St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.”
    The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.”
    St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.
    He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.
    “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”
    St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. “Tell me about the day you died?”, he said to the third man in line.
    “Okay, picture this, I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator …”

Dumbass Of The Day

28-year-old Denonta Thadison, who called police to report $10,000 had been stolen from his hotel room, but was arrested when officers found $9,370 stashed in the room’s microwave oven along with more than two pounds of crack and powdered cocaine.

    Twenty-one-year-old Melissa Garcia, who let a 12-year-old child drive her and her family almost 30 miles from Nichols, Iowa to Iowa City, Iowa. Police say the car containing the 12 year old driver, Garcia and her three children was weaving all over the road. Garcia was arrested for child endangerment.

8/25/2010

Joke Of The Day

A tourist in San Francisco walks into an antique shop in Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
    “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”
    “You can keep the story, old man,” he replies, “but I’ll take the rat.”
    The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he’s walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as thousands of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
    No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously. Now, there are millions of rats, closely following. By the time he comes rushing up to the water’s edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco bay with the other, as far as he can heave it.
    Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
    Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
    “Ah, so you’ve come back for the rest of the story,” says the owner.
    “No,” says the tourist, “I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer.”

Dumbass Of The Day

Erick Lee Blanton, 25, who after losing an arm wrestling match got into his pickup truck and drove it across the winner’s lawn. He then hit a mailbox and attempted to run down four bystanders. Blanton then pushed the barrel of a rifle against the head of the man who beat him at arm wrestling.

    43-year-old Li Han who had a hard time getting a bank staff to understand he was robbing them because he is toothless and talks with a lisp. According to a police report the man had to tell the cashier what he wanted four or five times before she understood. The man’s toothless appearance also made him easy for police to find. 

    Arnold Morris, 77, who accidentally shot his wife of 54 years in the chest as the two trained for a “robbery drill.” Patricia Morris, 72, was airlifted to a local medical center and is expected to recover.

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August 26, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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